Finding Your White Lotus: A Quiz
And Part 3 of my Go To Thailand series.
1. When I’m on vacation, I want to lay on:
a. A chaise lounge next to a pool overlooking the sea.
b. A paddle board on a glassy lake.
c. A Russian
2. Mornings on vacation are for:
a. Watching the sun rise over the sea, rested from a great night’s sleep.
b. What is a morning? Time has no meaning.
c. Black out blinds
3. My ideal vacation romance is with
a. The love of my life
b. A hot dragon novel
c. Maybe a Russian?
4. True or False: I can have a great time despite mediocre, touristy food.
a. True
b. True
c. True
5. I want to party _____________
a. in theory, but in practice a nice glass of bubbles before an early bedtime is party enough.
b. like I want to chew glass.
c. like it’s the last night of my life
If mostly A’s, you have chosen Koh Samui, the actual White Lotus location. Koh Samui is an island in the Gulf of Thailand with its own airport. This could, and probably should, be the most expensive part of your trip to Thailand, but your money goes far here. My husband-like-person Terry and I came here for his 50th birthday, and our decidedly middle-class budget offered us a bungalow with a private pool at Nora Buri Resort and Spa. We were upgraded to a bungalow closer to the water for reasons unknown to us, and it was the most romantic place I have ever been. We woke up to this view every morning:
Fancy, (and this is important,) does not save your Western gut from the bacteria in Thai water, much to my chagrin. I did all the no-no’s, ate all the things I wasn’t supposed to, so confident with the memory I ate from every food stall on my last trip to Thailand without any ill consequences. The first night we were there was New Year’s Eve, and there was a big celebration at the resort with a buffet, god help us, with sushi on the buffet, yes it was my own fault, raw cut fruit, it could have been that, we were so tired, so happy, so INVINCIBLE! that I ate and ate with abandon.
First night there. One of the most romantic places in the world. We rang in the new year, drank champagne in our private pool, and laughed with amazement at our fortune. Which was great, because I was sick for the rest of the trip, which was three weeks long.
And here’s where my fun quiz turns into THE MOST IMPORTANT TRAVEL TIP ABOUT THAILAND: Bring antibiotics with you. And if you didn’t listen to me and are there with a very sad tummy, go get antibiotics. Every day I thought would be the last of this stomach bug, I was up all night many nights, and the only reason this didn’t ruin our whole trip is because I was insanely stubborn about still having a good time despite it all. We could have taken an hour or two out of our day early on, (Thailand has one of the best medical systems in the world, and it is used to catering to tourists, this would not have been hard, or awkward, or anything but a blip,) and it all would have been fine. But instead, I muscled through Thailand, then Cambodia, then Viet Nam, then Japan, with what is affectionately known as Bangkok Belly. Don’t do this! Don’t be like me! It is my biggest travel regret of my life, (and I was once lost for nine hours in a rainstorm by myself in the woods in Italy, like a child in a Hans Christian Anderson story.)
But back to Koh Samui: our resort was so luxurious I almost regret leaving to see the rest of the island. But we did, hitting a very cool temple, a big sandy beach, and a waterfall on one day, and having dinner and drinks in town another. Cocktails on bean bag chairs on the beach, watching performers do a flaming poi show in the water in the dark, all great fun. But why would you want to be there when you could be here?
Mostly B’s? Try a resort on Cheow Long Lake in Kao Sok National Park. Ahead of you is a short flight, a medium drive, and a long boat ride. Particularly if it is pouring, which it was for us on my most recent trip with my mother. The sky had opened up on the hour-long drive from Surat Thani airport to the pier at Kao Sok, a torrential downpour that somehow made the drive through the jungle even greener. But by the time we arrived, the sun was out. “Would you like raincoats?” they asked us as we checked in for the last leg of our journey, an hour and a half trip by long boat through the turquoise water and green mountain peaks of Cheow Long Lake. “It’s finished raining!” my mom proclaimed. “It’s done! It’s not going to rain anymore!” No need for raincoats then.
My brother and I had a long running joke about my mom’s pathological optimism before he passed away a couple of years ago, and nothing made me miss him more than about halfway through our gorgeous boat ride when the monsoon hit. It poured for the last half of our boat ride, and as we got wetter and wetter, her paperback going limp on her lap, our clothes clinging, and, as I was to find out later, the waterproof-ness of all of my luggage challenged to capacity, I just kept thinking about how hard Ryan and I would have laughed when I told him the story. Tears down the face.
We arrived at 500 Rai wet as if we’d been dunked. A fellow guest walked up to us as we were getting off the boat with a glass of wine in her hand and a beatific look and said, “Don’t worry. It’s worth it.”
She was not wrong. This is what 500 Rai looks like from their promo photos.
What would you guess is the accuracy of that? Something’s missing, right? Dirty water? A cement quarry just off to the left? Jet skis?
Nothing. Nothing but deep, glassy water, no-wifi, and absolute serenity. Is it rustic? Sure. Is it the most beautiful place I’ve been in my life? It is.
500 Rai is one of many floating resorts in this massive lake, all with differing levels of infrastructure and different price points. What’s common is there are no buildings visible on land in the national park, by law as I understand it, so these hotels are on pontoons. The lake is big enough that you cannot see one resort from any other, giving a feeling of deep seclusion. The service was typical Thai, delightful and accommodating. The food in the one restaurant was fine, and pricy, which was to be expected in a place where they are boating in everything.
The days blended as a series of sunrises, cool swims in the clean water, pages of my book melting away, and luscious naps. The last morning we were there I procured the one paddleboard at the facility, (all the villas come with two kayaks, but the paddleboard was the hot commodity,) and paddled off into the lake, the sky still pink.
There is one drawback: it is very, very hot, and there is nowhere to go. The hotel offers excursions, and we went on one boat tour around the lake looking for wildlife, (there are, apparently, elephants, monkeys, and tigers in the park. We didn’t see any of those.) But mostly we sat on our little dock, paddled our kayak around, and swam, and the sun was relentless. The only shade was in the cabin, which did have moderately effective air conditioning, but nowhere to hang out besides the bed.
Part of me wanted to stay at 500 Rai for much longer, it was so, so beautiful. The other part of me was grateful we only spent three nights. I was ready to cool down.
If you picked mostly C’s, you’re going to Phuket! Phuket is a party town. It has beautiful beaches, and I am told a totally wild nightlife. I was only there for a couple of days and, to be honest, was very jetlagged. I was quite satisfied to lay on the beach for my whole visit, drinking young coconuts and catch up with my dear friend Jenn who lived across the world at the time. She had a romantic vacation planned and then broke up with her girlfriend right before, so I got to slide in on the vacay and we had a very chill, very restorative time. We stayed at a nice resort, the Royal Yacht Club, but to be honest we might as well have been in Puerto Vallarta for all the Thai culture we saw in Phuket. A Russian tourist filled Puerto Vallarta.
But I think if I were in my twenties, or even my earlier thirties, (I was there ten years ago,) I would have had a blast dancing all night in Phuket. Jenn and I did wander up the street from our hotel and discovered Ao Sane which was a hidden gem of a little cove, with great snorkeling and an inexpensive resort and restaurant that was a backpacker’s dream. Sadly, according to the reviews, it is now a construction site that will someday be a hotel. So I can’t even share the one hidden treasure I found ten years ago in Phuket. But if you’re blessed with youth and energy, I’m certain you will find your own treasure there.
